Ginormous Shoes

I'm trying to go with the flow.  Let things be and go with it.  The 3 kiddos, my husband, and my brother, who was visiting from the east coast for Christmas, all got sick.  Yet, Christmas came anyway.  It was good.  Not quite as I had envisioned but we worked with it in our most low-key way.  Literally, we laid on the floor in our pajamas mostly all day.  For days.  

We were happy and together.

My brother, Ben, is 25, a decade younger than me.  Seeing his shoes in our entry way gets me.  I don't know what it is about shoes that makes me thoughtfully sentimental.  His shoes are huge and something about seeing his shoes reminds me how life is moving fast.  My little brother now my big brother.  My son's smallish shoes in contrast to my brother's shoes...I am struck with how that is where my son is headed.  To ginormous shoes.  To becoming a man.  Gone will be the days when he will want to sit on my lap and snuggle when he is sick.  

Sometimes I get distracted with the things I'd envisioned.  Say, the camera working for Christmas.  Though, come to think of it, it was probably a good year for no-Christmas pictures (my husband just took a few with his phone including these two...)

I'll tuck it away in my memory.  The gift of being together.  Stuck at home for mostly a week now.  Watching movies, listening to music, snuggling, drawing.  Doing the really important things.  This is a shift for me because I tend to be motivated by performing, by getting my list done.  But I'm learning I need to let go of the doing and just be.  Be.  I'm hoping I get so good at it that by the end of my life I'll have morphed into a complete laid-back...hippie.  I've got a long way to go.  

Chance of Snow: 100%

Let it snow x3!

No school today.  I love snow days.  We're getting serious snow (maybe 9-12") and, looking out from my window, it's beautiful.  Our house feels warmer and cozier today.  The Christmas music is even more enjoyable.  My husband was out shoveling before I even woke up.  I was making the coffee, looking out the kitchen window and seeing him and Grace hard at work shoveling the driveway...made me happy.  Frosty was built before 9 am.  Snow forts this afternoon.  More shoveling still to come.  

The Christmas shopping is coming along but not done.  I am feeling no stress about it.  Although I did have a moment with the Mr. in Target.  He likes shopping more than I do.  He took the task of getting Legos so he went to store #1 in search of Legos.  Target was our #2 stop and he didn't seem to think they had "the" Legos.  I was losing it and said "You're killing me Smalls".  Not even sure what that means but it felt appropriate.  I think I said it after he suggested heading to store #3 for the Legos?  Grace has asked for cds and so I'm listening to music today.  What is good and lyrically appropriate for a 10 year old?  Found this "Top 10 Albums of 2012" list at Relevant Magazine.  I should keep my kids' wish lists.  They are telling and so them.  My favorite, from Jude's list, "a journal for a man". 

I didn't get my act together on Christmas cards or Christmas photos this year.  I'm trying not to feel guilty about it.  I love getting the cards in the mailbox.  I thought how I'd enjoy  writing a post on the topic of Christmas letters.  I think it was one of my brother-in-laws who suggested that someone should write more of the good, honest truth in their Christmas letter one year.  I don't think I can be the one.  Maybe you could?  

The truth is, even with all our crazy, awful unmentionables...this life is a beautiful one to be living.  I think I am learning to celebrate progress.  It is good.  

Talk of the 2-Year-Old

Our toddler.  She is loud, sassy, determined, and she makes us laugh every day.  I know they say that kids say what they hear.  True, but this girl comes up with some of her own material.  I've never heard some things she says from anyone else in our house.  Here's a short list of my favorite "Addie-isms":  

Wait a minute, you're not scary.

I neeeeeed it.

I not tell you nothing.

I not tell you my problems.

You be nice to me.

I no have "peanuts".

Just kiddin'.

It's loading.

I like to smile at you [when she's in trouble].

He's staring at me. 

[Sept 2012]

I'm here

The camera came back unfixed and so it was sent away for repair again.  Life's undocumented but life is happening.

Jude lost his first tooth Thanksgiving weekend.  He also said he doesn't want to get his hair cut because he wants it to grow long and shaggy like the older boys at church.  So, he's rocking a new smile and increasingly shaggy hair.

My girl, Grace, turned 10.  She isn't a fan of chocolate so it was vanilla cupcakes with vanilla frosting on her birthday.  Most of which she brought to school to share with her class but I did manage to eat 4 cupcakes that day myself.  My pants are too tight and I'm quite happy about it.  I currently weigh the most I ever have in my LIFE (other than pregnancy)...it's happening.  We bought Grace her first pair of "high heel" shoes and she's been clicking around the house. I don't think they came off for 12 hours yesterday.

I've got Christmas on my mind.  I love the season, the music and special activities.  We've been talking about how to make it special, keep it simple and help our kids grow in thankfulness and generosity.  Our plan is to do our first Christmas countdown (advent) with a mixture of family activities, acts of kindness, and small treats.

Our Christmas tree is up.  I had this great, fun, young, idea of sleeping in the living room under the Christmas lights with my honey.  He was game and pulled out the pillows, sleeping bags and blankets and set it up.  We laid on the living room floor for two hours until I finally said...What are we doing?  We have a comfortable bed in our room!  So we packed it up and went to bed.  Forget about being young and fun.  Crazy.

Fix Me

The camera got sent away to get fixed.  

Life happens and we get broken.  I wish it was as easy as a quick fix.  Send me off to Nikon for a replacement piece. 

As I'm writing, I'm overhearing Addie playing with a baby doll.  "Don't hurt her".  "Be gentle."  "It's ok, baby."  "Shhh."  "It's ok." 

Life's a bear, and it's rough how it handles our fragile, porcelain selves.  

There is no safe place.  

We are vulnerable to hurt and there's no insulation.   

The air has been let out of our balloon and we're falling through the air before a crash landing.  

I'm down on the ground.  I will get up.  It's such a long way home.  

It's Corrective

Our toddler is sporting a cast.  I dreaded it, thinking she would hate it.  She is the girl who freaks out if she gets a drop of oatmeal on her hand.  But I was wrong.  Addie doesn't mind her cast.  She hasn't fussed about it once.  She wore her first cast (she picked a purple one) for two weeks.  She marched right out of the doctor's office, waving and saying thank you.  I think she has realized she's cute because she really knows how to work it, cast or no cast.  


We are now on to the second cast for another two weeks.  This time around she picked a pink one with glitter.  She seems excited about the whole experience. 

It looks like she will have a third cast for a total of six weeks of casting.  This is to help with straightening her left foot which is c-shaped [a condition called Metatarsus Adductus]. This was a good diagnosis to hear because doctors initially wondered whether she had neurological problems. 

The cast attracts attention and people say: "Ohhhhhh, you hurt your foot?"  "What happened?  How did you get your owie?"  Addie obviously hears all this conversation and our answers to people because last night I was talking to her about the cast and Addie says to me: "It's corrective."  Me: "What?"  Addie: "It's CORRECTIVE.  It doesn't hurt."

This girl makes me smile every day.  

2 Months In: Clothing Fast

Two months in on my year long fast from buying new clothes.   

Good thing I gave myself the exception of buying new underwear and socks.  I'm wondering if after the year I will have the best sock & underwear collection ever.

There are things I didn't consider when I set my goal.  Like, what if I gain weight?  It might finally be happening.  This is a good thing.  For me, as long as I can remember, I've been in pursuit of curves. Remember the jeans I mentioned having here?  I've cut two from the line-up.  The first pair were creating the dreaded "muffin top" which is never a good look.  Either I'm not as slim as I think or I'm not as toned.  Or something.  The second pair ripped.  No worries, I've still got 5 pairs of jeans left.  

I've purchased two things second hand which doesn't break any of my "rules" since I'm not consuming I'm just bringing home items already in circulation.  Rescuing them, really, and giving them a second chance and the love they need.  

• A 100% cotton button up shirt for $3.99.  
• A long, light brown cotton & cashmere cardigan for $4.99.   It's perfect for fall and, because it's long, it could help if any of my other jeans start looking a bit too "J-Lo".

It's going well.  I can do this.  Ten months left.  

Intensive Care

If it's a little quiet on my blog, it's because I've been at a loss on what to post.  I could post about how I love my dad's black bean salsa recipe or show you my most recent thrift find but my head's not in it.  I could tell you I was offered the part time job and I ended up saying no. 

Four weeks ago life brought a shock and I'm still shaking.  It's as if I saw a car wreck up close.  I wasn't in the accident but it impacts me.  Emotionally speaking, there are people in intensive care.  It's just too much.  

I can't write about it and I also need to think about something else.  Not to diminish the gravity of the situation but to release the burden and continue on.

I'm good.  Looking to God.  Doing the next thing.  Asking Him to help.  Hopeful.  

I remember being in an emotional intensive care in my own life.  The pain so great I wondered how it would ever heal.  During that time, 13 years ago, a wise and kind friend told me that I wouldn't be in the intensive care forever.  She said, I would slowly heal.  I'd move to my own room in the hospital.  In time, I'd gain strength and the pain would lessen.  Eventually, I would start physical therapy.  Then there would come a day when I would be released from the hospital and I would go home.  The word picture really grabbed me.  

It came true.  I am home.  Celebrating God's work in my life and so overwhelmingly thankful for the beauty, healing, and genuine life He brings.  

Life is all around me and I don't want to miss it.  Last week we had teacher-parent conferences and Jude's kindergarten teacher said he has a wonderful imagination.  It's so true.  He brought these two creations of his home today from school.  Left=crab. Right=giraffe.  I'm one proud mama.  

Now that I've written this, next, I may be able to write about my insanity with my clothing fast, the salsa recipe, or how attractive my husband is when he is reading books.  Or maybe something entirely different like my daughter's "human growth and development" class.  Yep.  

Linking up with Just Write.

Racial Awareness

Addie [28 months] is becoming more self aware.  I remember, in our adoption training class which was almost four years ago now, hearing about how kids will realize skin color fairly young [I think around 2-3 yrs?].  I think it's happening.  We've been telling Addie she was born in Ethiopia.  She realizes that is a place on our globe.  She connects that Marcus Samuelsson is also from Ethiopia.  So, the other day, Addie's daddy took her to the library.  When she saw a few black women sitting together she pointed at them and started yelling...."E-OPIA!!"  She is also into naming her colors.  This is pink.  That is purple.  She will also say her hair is brown.  She is discovering.  I think sometimes she is even giving special treatment to black people.  Like a nod of the head or an extra fist bump.  Maybe I'm imagining it.  

our big or little gray house

I was reading earlier this year from the book Organized Simplicity: 

National Public Radio reports that from 1950 to 2004, the average American home has doubled in size, what was once 983 square feet is now 2,349 square feet.  

Family size is smaller.  Houses are bigger.  Today, smaller families (average family size was 2.62 in 2002) "need" bigger homes. 

Statistically, the amount of stuff we have accumulated, the size of our storage & closets and our pursuits of more are excessive.  Yet, the average Americans aren't happier than a rickshaw driver in Kolkata, India, according to a documentary I watched the other day.  Even with all the more....Americans aren't any happier than they were in 1950.  

 via National Geographic 

Since our move last fall I've thought about needs vs. wants and our housing.  In recent years, I've traveled to other countries...and walked through homes.  In Haiti [2010], a woman gave me a tour of her new home.  Her home was considered nice in contrast to her neighbors.  It had walls, a roof, wood doors, a few rooms.  [I'm guessing it was maybe 400 sq. feet?]  Her and her husband were so proud and beaming as they gave our small group the tour.  A few things struck me.  1. She was sincerely happy and thankful.  2.  She made it a home.  Concrete walls and dirt floors were the backdrop of pretty little curtains hanging from a wire in one window and there was a single piece of art in the home.  I thought of how we do our best to make a house our home irregardless of our culture or financial means.  

Happiness isn't dependent on our surroundings.  I know this is true but I need to be reminded and let go of my grip on things.  In the documentary I watched it said studies prove that once our basic needs are met [for food, shelter, etc.] our happiness does not go up with our income.  Scientists stated that they found people's happiness does not really increase whether they earn $50,000 or 50 million as a yearly income.  

I've had various thoughts as we moved.  We get used to what we have.  I want to remember I have enough.  Maybe someday I'll live in a bigger house.  Maybe I never will.  I want that to be ok with me.  Not because there is anything wrong with a bigger house.  But I don't want to look to that or wait for that day.  I have enough.  Here in our little gray house [by today's standards in America] or our big gray house [by yesterday's or many countries' standards].  I am happy here. 

"The secret of happiness, you see, is not found in seeking more, 

but in developing the capacity to enjoy less." (Don Millman)

Into His Arms

One thing I love in my relationship with God [especially in significant times in my life] is how He brings multiple things into my life, from many sources, to communicate a message to me.  I love words and He sends me the part of His Word perfectly suited to what is going on inside of me.  It's amazing because it's the same message breaking into my life.  It all has the same theme.  It's as if everywhere I go I hear the same song.  There it is again.  There it is again.  I can't escape the song.  

This week is yet another example of this.  

God is ministering and reminding He is close.

Today's, [October 1] scripture reading:

"Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand.  You guide me with your counsel...Whom have I in heaven but you?...My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever...But as for me, it is good to be near God.  I have made the Lord my refuge."  [from Psalm 73]

I continued reading with this: 

"Gaze intently with the eye of faith at the infinite wisdom and unlimited power of God, to whom nothing is impossible or difficult, and consider that His goodness is unbounded, and unspeakable His willingness to give, hour by hour, and moment by moment, all things needed for the spiritual life, if we will throw ourselves with confidence into His arms." 

Linking up with Grace Laced.

a day

Sleep and rest escaped me, my husband, and our 2 year old last night.  
Woke and it felt like an off day. 
The day unwinds.  I was struck with how a day can change our perspective.  Never knowing what a day will bring.  As the hours passed, I had this thought...I need to go back to bed and start this day over.  This needs a re-do. 

Tired.  I headed off to my job interview but I was distracted.  Opened my blog tonight and saw my last post about cotton clothes and suddenly it feels so insignificant.  Insignificant in the light of conversations with people I love.  A sibling and their pursuits, my spouse and his heart, and the burdens people all around me carry.  

I'm thankful tomorrow is a new day.  

linking up with Just Write.

The Fabric of Our Lives

[Image: Kate Bosworth, a face of cotton, via ]

The other day I was thinking I should write an update on my clothing fast.  You know, tell how things are going.  I was feeling like, you know...it's time.  Then I realized it had been 10 DAYS since my first post with my goal.  10.  Days.  

What have I done?!

Clearly, this is going to be harder for me than I originally thought...if I feel like 10 days is a celebration.

I've been a good girl.  I have not purchased any clothing.  I mostly haven't been in any clothing stores.  

Already I'm rethinking how I will purchase clothes differently when this fast is over.  Maybe this is a little premature, to be thinking how I'll shop, since I have another 300 plus days left on the fast.

I'll share what I'm thinking for you, since someone else must be shopping.  I'm also surprised by the feedback I've gotten.  More than a few people have told me they have considerably less clothes than I do.  I still can't believe this.  I don't think I have a lot of clothes.  Either I must be in denial or those who have more clothes don't tell.  

#1.  I would buy fewer but higher quality items.  

• Example, I got this solid black, long sleeved, v-neck, 100% cotton top for my birthday.  Fits great.  Goes with almost everything.  It looks just as good as it did a month ago and I've worn it and washed it a few times.  I also got another top, a thin, lacey, rayon, nylon one.  I don't think it's going to last long.

#2.  I would buy more natural fiber clothes.  

• I'd read labels to see what they are made of and say no [more often] to nylon, polyester, synthetics, and yes to more cotton.  Clothes that last longer [cotton, wool, silk, cashmere, or blends of those].  Makes me think of the cotton commercials.  "The fabric of our lives".  Love this one with Zooey Deschanel.  

Or this one...

And this one.  Ok, enough.  I just love them.  

#3.  I would buy more staples.

• The building blocks of a wardrobe.  Things along the lines of this list.  Since I started my fast I realized I don't have a pair of black dress pants.  They'd be good to have.  I'd get a few more of the "essentials" and less of the rest.    

I do have a pair of black, yoga pants.  Not appropriate for the job interview but perfect for days like today.  I hope they last all year.  

Linking up with The Better Mom.

Yes, Chef

One of my goals for 2012 was to read at least a book a month.  Some of my other goals have been a complete fail, so far, but I'm on target with this one.  Here's my list of books I've finished since January:

1. Veneer
2. A Million Miles in a Thousand Years
3. Start Something That Matters
4. Bird by Bird
5. Beneath the Lion's Gaze
6. The Kite Runner
7. Organized Simplicity
8. In Defense of Food
9. The Perfectly Imperfect Home
10. Yes, Chef
11. NurtureShock

I just finished Yes, Chef.  Because our daughter, Addis, is Ethiopian, books about Ethiopia are of special interest to me.  This is the memoir of Marcus Samuelsson, who was born in Ethiopia, adopted by a Swedish family, and has now become a world-renowned chef.
  

I especially enjoyed reading about when he traveled back to Africa, as an adult, and met his biological father.  I appreciated how he describes life in Addis Ababa [the capital of Ethiopia] and the sights, smells, and food.
 

 

 

Reading about his experiences in Addis make my own more real.  I traveled to Addis Ababa twice but most of the time it feels like a dream.  Ethiopia is another world.  The contrast of life in Ethiopia and my life in America is so vast...I can't process or comprehend it.
 

 

 

Marcus wrote about how he stayed at the Sheraton Addis during his visit.  I stopped at this very hotel numerous times during our two brief stays in Ethiopia.  I even had a lunch on the Sheraton's outdoor patio.
 

I ate the traditional Ethiopian foods he describes.  There is such a contrast with the luxury of the Sheraton and the extreme poverty right outside its gates.  There is beauty in Ethiopia ... the people, mountains, endless summer, coffee ceremonies, artistry of thatched roof huts.  Yet, life is hard, in a way most Americans cannot understand.
 

 

I want to hold on to the memories so, in some way, I can tell my daughter of her birthplace.  She is two years old now.  If you ask her where she was born, she will answer, "E-OPIA!"  Yes.  I want it to be natural to talk about with her.  Just like I tell my older two children the story of their birth, I tell Addis, often when I'm rocking her and she's sleepy, about our airplane trip from Ethiopia to bring her home.  

It really did happen.  Proof is watching her.  Here.  Now. 

Help Wanted

According to my calculations, it's been nineteen years since my last legitimate job interview.  [Where I responded to an ad, initiated submitting my resume, and interviewed with someone who has never heard of me].  I've had a few interviews but I went in on the recommendation of someone the interviewer knew.  

Seems strange because this is the first time I've been without a "job" since I was 16.  

My work history went something like this...I interviewed for a job when I was 16.  

• Hired at company #1.  Transferred in this company.  
• My boss took me with him when he left company #1 for company #2
• Was recruited from #2 company to my #3
• Moved and was asked to fill in temporarily for job #4 where I worked 10 years 

Yesterday I had a job interview.  I parallel parked nearly perfectly which was a major confidence booster right before walking into the business.  I wore mostly black and my red shoes. 

I think it went well?  I was nervous on the inside but I remember one of my pilates pals advice to me..."fake it 'til you make it."  Seemed to apply here.  

The interviewer gave me one compliment.  He said I "exude professionalism".  I can fly on this compliment for a long time.  I don't know what he meant but I didn't ask and I'll go with it.  I think I like him for using the word "exude".  

Next week we'll see if I get called for interview #2.  

10 Hours One Weekend

 *Warning: If you happen to believe painting wood is criminal then you're gonna hate what we've done. 

Before: 

After:

I wasn't feeling well the last few days with congestion, fatigue and body aches.  I googled 'body aches' and googling health issues never seems to be a good idea for me.  It'll make you wonder if perhaps you could have meningitis or muscle diseases.  A few nights ago I took a nighttime cold multi-symptom medicine which I'd never done before and don't think I will ever again.  It knocked me out so hard, I dreamed R rated dreams, drooled like a baby all over my pillow, and could not wake up the next morning.  True story. 

Anyways, back to the shelves...it actually was a project we did the last weekend of July.

It involved: 

1.  Buying new wood brackets [from Home Depot].  I got the idea here at Young House Love.  
2.  Sanding & then priming [with Zinsser primer] 
3.  Painting the cabinet & shelves [x3 coats of Behr's Popped Corn.  We bought a gallon for this project and another one we had in mind].
4.  Painting the back wall [pint of Benjamin Moore's Storm Cloud Gray]

[Spent about 10 hours on the project.  We bought the brackets with a gift card, had the primer on hand, purchased the paint.  Total cost under 50 bucks.]

What's in my closet?

• 7 pairs of jeans
• 1 pair of leggings
• 7 camis
• 10 tank tops or sleeveless tops
• 16 short sleeved tops or tees
• 1 sleeveless, light sweater
• 4 pairs of shorts
• 6 sweaters/cardigans
• 7 long [or three quarter length] sleeved shirts
• 3 button up, collared shirts [long or three quarter length sleeve]
• 7 skirts
• 2 pairs of dress pants/trousers
• 8 dresses
• 4 blazers/jackets
• 2 short, mini-sweaters [shrugs?]
• 15 pairs of shoes/boots [plus 2 pairs outdoor,winter boots, 1 pair of flip flops, and 2 pairs of sandals]
• 3 purses
• 9 scarves

I currently have all my clothes [summer & winter] together and nothing in my "off season" tote.  In addition to my closet, I have a minimal amount of pjs, yoga pants, and workout clothes in my dresser.

So, here's my starting point and arsenal for my year long "Clothing Fast":

[Not pictured, 3 pairs of shoes.  Two pairs are athletic shoes.]

What's in your closet?  Do tell.  

Clothing Fast: 365 Days

I've decided.  I'm taking a year off from buying clothes. 

I have been intrigued by the idea and inspired by my friend, Leslie, who resolved in January not to buy any new clothes for a year.   Read about it here.  

My reasons?  

• I wonder what this experience could teach me over the year.  
• I dislike consumerism and a disposable mentality 
• I think by eliminating all new clothes for a year it could help me to focus on more important things.
• I have enough.  Tomorrow I am going to post about what's in my closet.
• It will cause me to take care of what I have more.  
• It will push me to be more creative with what I wear and use what I have. 
• When my fast is over, I think I will buy fewer things but higher quality, staple pieces. 
• For me, it's not really about money, although I'm sure it will save time, money, and mental energy.  I'll be free from trying on clothes in fitting rooms for a year! 

I may be overly ambitious right now.  I just had my birthday and, as a result, have more cute things in my closet. I'm feeling set with my birthday gifts and fall things.  I'm pretty sure it might wear off come spring.

I've decided my fast will be from my 35th birthday 'til my 36th. I'm kind of rounding down but birthday 'til birthday will be easy to remember.  I must confess, I have bought brown, leather boots since my birthday.  They are beauties.  I didn't know I was going to start the fast when I bought them but good thing I squeaked them in before the fast started!   

I am going to give myself a little liberty to purchase new socks and underwear through the year.  I mean really.  

Other than than, no new clothes for one year unless they are gifted.  If I'm desperately in need of something, I may give myself permission to thrift  [minimally].  Also, if there's an emergency...say my swimsuit breaks.  Well, you never know, it could happen.  

I'd love someone to join me on my adventure.  Send me a message or comment if you'd like to.  I'd also love to hear reasons why you would or wouldn't do it or what you think it might teach you.  Do you think it's crazy?  Talk to me. 

Linking up with The Better Mom.

ten on ten: September

Finding much life and beauty among the ordinary things of our day

 

Linking up with a bit of sunshine's photo project.  

Embrace the Camera

Six years ago, Jude was born.  

It was different skipping labor all together and being scheduled for a c-section.  

I arrived at the hospital feeling fine and smiling a LOT.  

We didn't know if we were having a boy or girl and wanted to be surprised.

As I was being wheeled into the operating room, my husband was walking along side and I asked, what's your guess, boy or girl?  

We both answered in unison...a BOY.  

And he was, all 9 pounds 7 ounces and 22 inches of him. 

He was a content baby and now a happy kid.  Sometimes he has strong outbursts of emotion.  Will play alone for hours.  Makes lots of sounds.  Runs, hops, and flips through the house.  The other day he was scaling the walls.  If you wonder where the fingerprints on the walls are from....him.  He loves to eat meat.  He plays his heart out in sports and takes it hard if he loses.  Many things about him remind me of his dad.

When I asked him about his first day of school [yesterday] he said...

"I want to go back tomorrow.  I plan to make friends of my whole school." 

 Here we are together, embracing the camera, on his golden birthday:

Hey, Jude

Jude is off to his first day of school today.  Kindergarten.  This boy has been counting down the days all summer.  He is ready!  Usually when I ask him about how he feels about school he's so happy he starts laughing.  

He wants to be a big kid.  

This morning he was hurrying us along because he needed to get to school!  

Tomorrow, Sept. 6, is his 6th birthday.  With his big sister's help, he put together his birthday wish list and hung it on the fridge a few months ago:

1.  A green lighsaber
2.  Star Wars guys with vehicles
3.  Gun, any kind
4.  Star Wars Legos
5.  Books about Star Wars
6.  Star Wars blanket
7.  Clothes, any kind
8.  Candy
9.  Money
10. Pjs, any kind

 He makes me smile.  

It's gonna be ok

I log into Facebook and see dozens of pictures of smiling, beaming kids on their first day of school.

My darling daughter, now a 4th grader, is at a new school.  Today was her first day.  

This is the first school year she's started in Wisconsin. 
[She began K, 1st, 2nd, and 3rd at the same school in MN and finished out her 3rd grade year in WI...at another one of the elementary schools in our town here.]

Our family's move happened 9 months ago.  It's been hard for her and difficult for us to see her sadness.  She had lived in the same neighborhood, attended the same school and church, for the whole of her young life.  I have this vivid memory of bringing her to her classroom last October, after she had missed a month of school because she was sick, and her classmates were so happy to have her back they began chanting her name, surrounded her, hoisted her up in the air and carried her around the room.  It's a sweet memory.    

People say kids adapt well.  They are resilient and moving is easiest when they are young.  Maybe all this is true.  Our younger two kids had a fairly easy time with the adjustment. 
  

She was crying and broken this morning.  It's hard to know how to help her as parents.  She told us she wants to go back to her old school.  Ufff...moments like this and I feel like we've ruined her life.  As if a light went out inside her and we're responsible for it.  

Her dad walked her to school today and, as they walked, she cried and said she didn't want to go.  

Isn't it true...some things take time.  Some times we have to do hard things.  Some days we are sad.  It's gonna be ok...right?

Linking up with Just Write.

35

I had my 35th birthday.  I told my family I have some gray hairs and my son said..."You're turning into an old lady!"  Slowly, quickly, I am.

14 years of marriage.  3 kids.  17 years of being an "adult".

I've learned a few things along the way...

1.  I LOVE coffee.  It's always worth it to buy the good stuff.

2.  There are some things you just can't understand until you experience them.  Like being pregnant, birth, adoption, and becoming a mother.  Amazing.  It makes you see things and feel things you never did before.  It is an "ah-ha" moment.

 

3.  Don't buy cheap.  Buy quality.  In the long run, you'll be glad, and it probably will be less expensive.

4.  Love is patient and love is kind.  If it's not patient and kind, it's not love.  

5.  How to vacation better.  [i.e. Just because a place uses the word "resort" it doesn't mean it is one, be very leery of a "brief" time share presentation and never let them take you off site with their transportation, and, say, for instance, your car breaks down, 3 weeks before your vacation to Florida, it doesn't mean you should buy a convertible.]

6.  I used to eat for energy now I enjoy food.  The more good food I have the more it ruins me for the mediocre.  [Faves like almond scones, cheesecake, curry, pasta, homemade salsa, and a good burger.]  I'm getting hungry.

7.  Read.  Find the library.  I could easily go without tv except for occasional movies [and currently, Downton Abbey].

8.  Kids are a ton of work.  They also make you realize your own problems.  I didn't think I had any anger 'til I had kids and then it came out.  So does selfishness and fear.  And exhaustion.

9.  If I could, I'd sit down with my 18 year old self and remind her of a few things.

• Youth and singleness is an opportunity.  Take it.  There isn't the same freedom once you are thinking about a spouse and children.  
• I know what it's like to live with regret as do most adults...listen to those who you know love you.  They, most likely, would love to spare you difficulty. 

10.  Why is it- what we want for someone we love [say our child or a younger sibling]- we wouldn't demand for ourselves?  Respect yourself, you are a treasure.

11.  Marriage is hard work.  Two imperfect people pledging their lives to each other for EVER.  It's crazy.  You're gonna need a lot of grace and God's help.  Feelings come and go.  You'll need an anchor.  Some days you can't stand each other and other days will be heaven on earth.  Choose each other...every day.

12.  Tell those you love that you love them.  Crazy much.  Every day.  No matter what.

13.  The valuable things in life aren't things.  It's people and relationships.

14.  Be a life long student.

15.  Travel.  It will broaden your world and perspective.

16.  Surround yourself with beauty.  I read once that beauty draws us to God and I believe it.

17.  When kids are hurting, the parents are most likely hurting too, and sometimes more.

18.  Kiss your kids and look them in the eyes.

19.  The master bedroom should be a peaceful place.  Keep it that way so it is a retreat at the end of the day.

20.  Discover what you love and go for it.  I never knew I loved art and many "creative" things until I was thirty.

21.  Be where you are.

22.  You never know where you might find a friend.

23.  Someone wise once gave me this advice..."With great risk comes great reward".   It's proven true.

24.  Simplicity=beauty.

25.  Buy good pillows for your bed.  I mean, really, why not?

26.  You can endure far more than you think you can.  What once seemed a scary, unknown will become old hat.  Proof: I haven't fainted in crisis, or at the sight of blood, in, like, 15 years.

27.  Find ways to unwind and rest.  I'm not very good at it but I'm learning.  Things that feed you.  A walk, music, [quiet] alone time, yoga & pilates.  I also like going to Target at 9pm when the store has nearly no customers and I can just stand and stare at the dish soap.

28.  People say..."I could never [do] _______________".  Yes, you could.  You can.  [Often] You have to.

29.  Becoming a parent has helped me to discover how God feels about me.  He loves me something fierce.  I'm His child, I really am, and He is proud of me.

30.  You can feel alone in a full room, in a family, in marriage, in parenting...everyone needs to know they are not alone.

31.  I like wearing high heels, even if they make me 6 feet tall.

32.  Home improvements usually hit "snags".

33.  When I'm happy and inspired, I like to clean.  When I'm angry, I like to clean.  When I'm stressed or overwhelmed, I like to clean.

34.  You are never "ready" for kids.  All 3 of ours were "planned" and each time it felt like jumping off a cliff into the unknown.

35.   You are living your story.  Live a good one.
 

Linking up with The Better Mom.