Wednesday, April 10, 2013

ten on ten: April

                   Finding much life and beauty among the ordinary things of our day 











ten on ten button

Sunday, April 7, 2013

State of the Fro

I was stopped by a black woman this week as I was shopping with Addie.  

She begins with "I see you have a mixed-race daughter..." and then proceeds to tell me about where I can find some great hair products and how to care for her hair.  

I appreciated the tips but wondered if Addie's hair looks in need of help.

Here is the current state of her fro...

  


[By the way, people sometimes assume that I am Addie's biological mom and her bio dad is black. Addie is not bi-racial.  Addie is African.  100%.]

Thursday, April 4, 2013

I am Kristina

My husband and I were watching the show "Parenthood" and afterwards he told me the character Kristina reminds him of me.  Then I'm on the phone talking to my sister and she says the very same thing.  She actually said something more like this..."Kate, does someone on the show remind you of yourself?!" 

The next episode I watch, I have this strange seeing-in-the-mirror experience.  

I'm ok with the comparison in some ways.  Kristina is portrayed as strong and stable.  She loves her husband and kids deeply.  But she is high strung, intense, over-the-top nurturing and worrying and she just won't relent.  It can be a bit much.  It's a little painful to watch the smothering mothering.  Kristina, you need to relax, honey.  Let it go.  


It comes at a good time...I've been on a quest on how to continue to break free from my perfectionist qualities. Especially as I think of the mother I am to my two daughters.

There are some compulsions in me I don't understand and some anxieties that aren't logical.  I have an achieving tendency with this internal question of whether or not whatever I did was good enough. Was it?  Are you sure? Really? Then the cycle of over-thinking and second guessing...which is mostly exhausting but can sometimes paralyze me from any action.  

This week I stumbled upon these words from a research professor...

"Perfectionism is fear.  A shield to protect us from being hurt but it protects us from being seen.  A fear of not measuring up...we are trying to be beyond judgement."  

In response, I've been thinking about vulnerability and authenticity and what they mean.  

Last night I was thinking about real life.  The beauty that comes when we allow people to see us.  The real us. It's a struggle for me but it's part of my progress to share real life with real people.  To tell my true story.  To share my real life.  Not the pretty, edited version.  

I was thinking these thoughts as I walked through our house at 9 pm last night.  Our son had tracked mud from the front door, down the hall and into his room.  My husband was steaming it out of the carpet as I walked into the bathroom and found globs of toothpaste in the sink and soap splatters up the mirror.  How is it even possible to get that much soap on the mirror?  

Joy...even when life is messy and not photogenic.  After taking out the Honda's side view mirror backing into the recycling bin, cleaning up after Addie decided to take off her dirty diaper, flat tire, dead vehicle, strep throat, sleep deprived nights, accidents, I'm sorry's, stress, tired bodies.  

These are parts of the real story we're living and it is teaching me.  I'm making progress.  I've come a long way since the newly married bride who would not go to bed at night with dirty dishes in the sink.  That young bride would be mortified at the current state of things. Good thing she's not around anymore.  I'm much happier without her.   



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