Stretchy Pants & Bigger Bras

I've hit a low point in my year long clothing fast.  It's been five months.  My jeans don't fit.  I've gained a few pounds.  Maybe 8 lbs.  Which is fine with me since I've been on, what seems to be, a life-long pursuit of gaining weight.  One thing I liked about being pregnant was I looked healthy and filled out.  So, anyway, last night I did try on jeans at the Gap.  I left quite dejected and wondered if I have a weird shape.  There were lots of options and cuts and I'm not sure what I'm looking for?  
Who am I?  Skinny?  Curvy? Long & Lean? Super Skinny?  Real Straight?  Sexy boyfriend?  Skinny Boot?  Original? 

via

I fumbled through it with the sales person as I asked for help....which I never do.  I'm tall...I tell her [Obviously].  Looking for a straight cut that would work with my shape.  She said I could try the "curvy" because that doesn't mean what you'd think it means [Ok?].   The pair that worked best for me, fit great except they gaped at the small of my back.  Don't know what that means?  I think it might have to do with my buns.  I couldn't fit into the smaller size.  After this, the Gap employee said I must be an "irregular" size.  At which point I just wished my sister was with me to help me find a pair of jeans.  

Of course, I told my sister about the whole experience and she said I should probably get pregnant and move into maternity pants.  

Pregnancy, ah, yes, the memories...of stretchy pants and bigger bras.  

Linking up with Just Write.