to Luna

Praise be, the UPS man arrived today, unexpectedly, with the repaired camera [I've missed it over the last four months]!  Grace and Jude were at school but I snapped a few of our Addie girl [now 2 1/2 years old].  

We've been spending a lot of time together....her and I.  We had a guest pastor in town a week ago and he used the phrase "blue sky days" and reminded us to treasure them.  I do.   

I need God's help to be the mother each of my kids need.  Every day seems to bring something new.  There are good days and then there are...other days.

Today Addie ran into her bedroom door.  I heard her scream and I knew is was the "she's hurt" cry.  I ran to her and she ran away from me.  She was desperate for her blanket, which she grabbed, started sucking her finger and laid on the floor.  It reminded me of how she learned to soothe herself.  I noted how different that response was from my older two [biological kids] who would run to me when they were hurt. 

She's still learning what it's like to have a mother.   A mother who responds when she cries.  A mother who touches her.  Today I was struck with the reality of children who cry and no one responds.  Babies who are not receiving the touch of a mother, or a caregiver.  

Addie is on and off with me.  She is on and off in life, with a quick switch from sweet to blazing mad.   

She's smart as a whip.  I tell her "I love you to the moon" and she replies..."No, to LUNA".  This is a result of her obsession with her Spanish speaking tv-friends, Diego and Dora.  She is also great at giving me compliments when she is in trouble.  She'll say things like "I like it when you smile" or "You have pretty hair, mama".  

And a few minutes later she'll throw a fit because I put her drink in the wrong colored cup.  Or because I turned off Diego.  And I tell her I love her everyday.  And I do.  All the way to Luna.