I don't know what wakes her up? [It seems she isn't scared when she wakes up but what scares her is getting up in the dark]. The routine is she then runs from her bed to our bed screaming which freaks me out. My husband and I have then been scooping her up and letting her sleep between us. Not really that much sleeping actually. At least not for her or my husband. I can sleep through A LOT. She wiggles, kicks, and sucks her finger. I must say he is the nighttime hero parent and I am the one who deserves a lecture and his wrath [which he doesn't give me].
We've [he's] been giving her a bottle of milk [at 4 am]. Which I know she doesn't "need" but it is a comfort thing for her. She's also old for a bottle but we've got our reasons for giving it to her.
1. She loves it and we cave to her demands at 4 am. 2. She never had a bottle until she was 10 months old. 3. Her tongue was almost always sticking out of her mouth her first year of life, partly due to poor muscle tone [sucking a bottle, among other things, helped].
photo on the day we arrived home~ Addis was 10 months
It's interesting how we evolve as parents. Our firstborn never slept in our bed unless she was sick. Our son either. Our bed was off-limits.
The 4 am thing is getting old. Are her sleeping issues related to her adoption? I know the beginning of her life included neglect. Add loss, change, moderate malnutrition, failure to thrive, developmental delays...these traumas must have an effect. What do those effects look like now?
Another mother in our adoption travel group has blogged about their daughter's sleep issues here and here. It's helpful to know you're not alone.
Sometimes I wonder if Addie has some sensitivity to sensory things and it causes anxiety? Maybe it's just her personality? Our son, when he was a toddler, liked to take a napkin and wipe his lips after every bite of food. That's weird. Particular, we'd say.
Addie is particular too about certain things. She throws a fit if a bit of oatmeal lands on her hand. She also doesn't want to see the bottom of the bowl when she is eating her oatmeal. She will take her spoon and smooth it over again and again so she doesn't have to see the bottom. She is done eating when it gets close to the bottom.
So, we sort through how to parent her. She is sweet and then sour. Loud. Is she being naughty or is she scared? Her demands and tantrums...is this typical 2 year old behavior or is it something else?
I have no idea.
I have no idea.
6 comments:
My two cents...you two are AMAZING parents. The way I see Addie is an outgoing and confident girl who is L-O-V-E-D and it shows!!! She is sweet and spicy (the BEST combination, I think!) And, you know more than I do raising two before her, that the loud stuff to get your attention or other things does pass. Wes went through that. Actually, he would throw the biggest fit whenever we left ANYWHERE or left any situation that required him to quit what he was doing and change routine. I used to think parents that had kids like this must need to step up their discipline a knotch...yeah. That's BEFORE I had kids and realized (through guidance of my pediatrician) that being loud or "acting out" is their coping strategy or finding their own limits and how to react to situations since they can't vocalize everything they would like to and get frustrated. A lot of the "loud" stuff I see is part, I think, to do with her spunky personality. If I ever have a daughter, I honestly hope she is a lot like addie!!! Love her! <3 I'm not an expert, having only two little ones but it's just what I notice, I guess. Also, Wes only got rid of his bottle a few months ago. They all do at different times, I think. He only got rid of it because I was upset with him for something else and used a harsher tone and told him that "Wes, bubba is done now. You are too old for this so no more. Go to sleep, and I love you, but no more." I could tell he was so sad and it breaks my heart thinking about that. I almost wish I would've just waited a bit more, but I knew he was showing signs of being ready anyway. You and Tim are such fabulous parents who raise such respectful, generous, and fun kids! I loved seeing that the other night :)
and just to clear it up, I know being "naughty" isn't just "them expressing themselves so just let it go" hahaha ;) I think you know what I was referring to in the previous post!
Interesting. Sintayehu has been recently been waking up in the night SCREAMING at the top of her lungs. She has always awoken at night and wimpered, but has always been able to go back to sleep. Sometimes all it takes is for one of us to touch her cheek and she falls right back to sleep. However, the screaming has been intense and she does not fall back to sleep without lengthy rocking/caressing/attention. (We've let her in our bed, but she doesn't seem to like it and we always take here back to her crib.) We are asking ourselves the same question because neither of our boys exhibited this behavior. Is she distressed? Hungry? Having bad dreams? Are these night terrors? Is this adoption related? Or is she just mad? (She's been known to scream in the same way when she's throwing a fit in anger over something.) For a few weeks this happened every night...now it's every couple of nights. Hmm.....Keep us updated!
Ok....I'm seeing a pattern here. Tate has done, and continues (albeit infrequently) to do it. We went through weeks of it several months ago, and it would definitely send chills through my bones when it woke me up. I went through the same questions as you, and kinda landed on the adoption related thing. I really felt like he was dreaming. Who knows what kind of images a two year old can think up in their sleep. Our little ones suffered different levels of neglect, but part of our little guy's story includes a really bad day that had to have been traumatic. I've done a parenting series by Dr. Karyn Purvis and Dr. David Cross about children who've come from hard places such as ours, and she explains that night terrors can be common. Also behavior issues can arise near the anniversary of when everything "changed" for them. As well as just ongoing issues. Now don't get me wrong. I was highly encouraged by reading some of the other posts here as well, and the behavior about transition and tantrums is pretty unversally a toddler issue, and it's nice to know I'm not alone. Tate has an ear pierce attention grabbing scream and is not afraid to use it when he has to stop something he is enjoying. Dan and I had to even change our "sitter" arrangements because picking him up was such a nightmare each time.
We've seen unbelievable changes in him in the last 6 months. We've just been using some awesome techniques we've learned in that series, that make a TON of sense. Most of them are common parenting strategies, but what I've learned is consistency is the most important thing for Tate. He has got to hear something over and over again. The good reassuring things, and the tougher more corrective things. It's slowing becoming second nature to hear what Momma expects and how much she loves him unconditionally. It's amazing, and beautiful to watch him "get it."
It's gotta be how our Heavenly Father feels when we run to Him with open arms and allow Him to soothe, comfort, correct or instruct us in the way we should go.
Love you guys! Hang in there. No matter what, we've learned already nothing lasts forever. Each stage has a new blessing and curse to deal with! :)
Angie
empoweredtoconnect.org (our resource)
Thanks for the comments! It's helpful. Laura, thanks for your kind words. I feel the same way about you and Mark...you are amazing parents! Angie, I agree with you on the need for consistency. True with parenting each of our 3 kids. With Addie, it helps her to have more routines. Stick to a bedtime etc. She anticipates what comes next in the sequence of events. If it's bath time [which she now doesn't like] afterwards she expects us to put lotion on her. If we are slow in remembering she will bellow..."I need lotion!" Not sure how to break our nighttime issues. Today I asked her why she comes into our room in the middle of the night and she said "I like to be together". Angie, thanks for sharing the resources you mentioned. I watched some of the videos by Dr. Pervis last night. Good stuff.
wow- how interesting that our toddlers are all getting through a difficult sleep stage at the same time... which makes me think it is adoption... tinged. Lily hasn't slept through the night in WEEKS. We have gotten her to stay in her own bed, but we wakes frequently and wants to be reassured. So, we'll keep reassuring her and stumble around the dark until she's secure again.
That eating thing she has about the bottom of the bowl is fascinating! What would K. Purvis have to say about that!? How well I remember when little baby Addis was eating with you for the first time, so hungry and so miserable! She's come a long way... Good luck! (and thanks for the link!)
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