No Filter

I was reading today a "who am I" sort of bio that someone had written on a social media site.  I run across them often. 

The interesting part to me is how we pick and choose what we want people to know about us.  We filter the information.  We summarize ourselves in a paragraph.  Lots of things don't make the cut.  Omit that.  Leave out this.  Don't want people to know this.  Do want them to know this.  Definitely that.  That's such a great thing about me.  Filtering. 

Not that there's anything wrong with this. 

If we're going to write a bio it's just a snippet of our life.  A glimpse.  What is interesting to me is the glimpse we let people see. 

I suppose most people only see a glimpse of me.  And they come to their conclusions.  Maybe correct.  Maybe incorrect.  Someone told me recently that my husband has a certain quality and I thought, really?! 

Perceptions.  Realities. 

The presentation of ourselves.  Maybe inflated.  Maybe minimized.  Maybe creative license added. 

I'm a late joiner to Instagram and I like the "no filter" pictures.  No enhancement just pictures in their raw form.  I like taking pictures of beautiful things.  Days pass fast and taking photos is a good way for me to slow down and see the beauty around me in my everyday life.  It's everywhere and if we're looking for it, we'll see it.  It's good for my perspective.  It's good to look for the good.  But the un-photographed messes are there.  I guess I just don't want a folder of documented ugliness to look back on. 

Just like all the things people edit out of their bios and facts about me sections.  This is what I will show you.  Tell you.  This is the image I am presenting.

We celebrate the good things.  Crop out the bad.  But who do we share our un-edited version of our real life with? 

Are we sharing?  Who do we tell the unspoken things? 

This is where life become lovely.  Sharing life, all the pretty and not so pretty parts of us.  The real story. 

I'm so glad to be living the unedited version of my life.  My husband is there for the picture moments I delete.  He knows the things about me that will never make it into a public bio. 

And, here's the great part, he loves me anyways.  Not a perfect, fantasy woman but imperfect me.  Me.  With no filter.  In my very unflattering moments. 

This is where it's at.  Real life relationships.  

Sandals waiting

When I look out our living room window I see banks of snow.

When I look out our back windows I see a yard full of snow.

But if I go outside and look closer I can see tulips and daffodils popping up through the snow.

I was thinking about how we see things differently depending on our perspective.

Yes, the snow exists.  But if I look past all the piles of snow I can see signs of spring.

In my own life, I won't deny there are parts of my life that have been stuck in [perpetual] winter. There are times when winter seems so desperately long [especially when we lived in northern Minnesota].  The hope of spring had a deeper meaning.  I felt like a survivor after making it another long, cold winter.  

But spring always came.  It will always come.  Sometimes it doesn't feel true.  Still, it is.  Similarly, there are things we hold out hope for.  And the "winters" are long.  The seasons of holding on to hope are long.  Maybe days pass, or weeks, sometimes years or even decades.  It feels like we can't hang on any longer.  Often we feel like banging our head against the wall.  We see no sign of spring. We see more snow and forecasts of more snow.  We don't think we can shovel anymore.

My kids asked how they could help to bring spring here faster.  They asked if it would help if they spread out the snow so it melts faster.  I can relate to the feeling.  It's as if I want to bring a blow dryer out into my back yard.  The absurdity is true but yet the feeling is true.  We have had enough.  
Yet there is nothing we can do to make spring come faster.  We wait.  It will come.  In my life, this has been a season where "spring" is coming into my heart and life.  I have seen things come that have been long hoped for.  I celebrate the long anticipated new life, the "spring".  Winter is letting go...and warmth and growth and life are replacing it.  Maybe it's that much sweeter when the wait has been long.  

We see the thermometer says 40 degrees.  Here in Wisconsin, it appears, it's reason to celebrate. People are outside, dressed with remarkably light clothing, and unusually happy.  You would think it was actually warm out today.  We know it's true...spring is near.  It's just a matter of time.

In our family, we are still wearing jackets and boots outside but inside we've got sandals waiting. We're ready.

"Hope is the thing with feathers that perches on the soul, 

and sings the song without the words and never stops at all."
~Emily Dickinson~

Beauty and the 2%

Last night, as I was looking for an Easter dress for my daughter, I remembered something I heard last week. You've probably seen Dove's campaign over recent years?  They conducted a study- "The real truth about beauty"- which revealed that 2% of women consider themselves beautiful.  

2 Percent.

For some reason it stuck with me and I've thought of it a few times this week.  Now, overall, I like Dove's attempt to help women feel good about themselves and show that beauty can look [different] many ways.  I appreciate the natural photographs of real women and older women who are aging gracefully.  That being said, I also wondered if the whole question is wrong.  

Now if I were to fill out an official survey and I had to check the box yes or no if I would consider myself beautiful...I would check no.  I am not saying this, in any way, so I receive positive affirmation/comments that I am indeed "beautiful".  When I see what is depicted as beautiful in society I find areas of my own looks that don't fit the bill.  This is not to say that I don't think I have attractive features, because I think I do.  Long story short I wouldn't put myself in the 2%.  

For me, I've tried to sort out this topic before.  I have physical features that aren't my favorite.   People say the darndest things too.  

But then I get a grip and think...You know, does it really matter?!  If I'm "beautiful" or not.  Beautiful, as in meeting the standards set by some classic definition.  And even if the unattainable definition of true "beauty" is met...who cares?  At the end of my life is anyone going to say...Kate made such a difference in my life because she had the best figure?  Will my kids say the thing they appreciated most was that I was so pretty?  Will people at my funeral say what they loved about me was my stunning good looks?  God, help us, I hope not!  

Our culture is obsessed with [outward] beauty.  As a mother to two daughters, I hope I teach them that there are far more important questions than "Am I pretty?"  

Maybe surveys should ask questions that matter.  Why is the main focus on pretty?  It's fine to be pretty but the inward qualities of my daughters are far more important.  Are you kind?  Are you loving [God & people]?  Are you embracing life, learning, and growing?  Are you strong?  Are you standing up for what's right?  Are you living a truthful life?  Are you a good friend?  Are you a diligent student?   Do you realize that you are precious, valuable, and a one-of-a kind original?   

Not that there is anything wrong with pretty.  I like pretty things and so do both my girls.  They love to wear dresses and jewelry.  But, as their mom, I do not want to do anything to add to the pressure and the overwhelming message of society on the importance of how they look.  I want the message to be...they are loved.  They are enough.  I love them because they are my daughters.  

The people I love are beautiful to me.  I see them, I know their story, I see the way they give to others, the joy they bring and they are beautiful.  Of course, I'm biased.  I don't know if they would be considered "beautiful" on a survey.  I don't care.   I hope I follow their examples and help to make life more beautiful for them and others.

Then I remember I am a daughter, a valuable, a one-of-a kind original and that leads me to re-think the question, "Am I beautiful?"  Yes, I am.  


 

via

Fix Me

The camera got sent away to get fixed.  

Life happens and we get broken.  I wish it was as easy as a quick fix.  Send me off to Nikon for a replacement piece. 

As I'm writing, I'm overhearing Addie playing with a baby doll.  "Don't hurt her".  "Be gentle."  "It's ok, baby."  "Shhh."  "It's ok." 

Life's a bear, and it's rough how it handles our fragile, porcelain selves.  

There is no safe place.  

We are vulnerable to hurt and there's no insulation.   

The air has been let out of our balloon and we're falling through the air before a crash landing.  

I'm down on the ground.  I will get up.  It's such a long way home.  

a day

Sleep and rest escaped me, my husband, and our 2 year old last night.  
Woke and it felt like an off day. 
The day unwinds.  I was struck with how a day can change our perspective.  Never knowing what a day will bring.  As the hours passed, I had this thought...I need to go back to bed and start this day over.  This needs a re-do. 

Tired.  I headed off to my job interview but I was distracted.  Opened my blog tonight and saw my last post about cotton clothes and suddenly it feels so insignificant.  Insignificant in the light of conversations with people I love.  A sibling and their pursuits, my spouse and his heart, and the burdens people all around me carry.  

I'm thankful tomorrow is a new day.  

linking up with Just Write.

35

I had my 35th birthday.  I told my family I have some gray hairs and my son said..."You're turning into an old lady!"  Slowly, quickly, I am.

14 years of marriage.  3 kids.  17 years of being an "adult".

I've learned a few things along the way...

1.  I LOVE coffee.  It's always worth it to buy the good stuff.

2.  There are some things you just can't understand until you experience them.  Like being pregnant, birth, adoption, and becoming a mother.  Amazing.  It makes you see things and feel things you never did before.  It is an "ah-ha" moment.

 

3.  Don't buy cheap.  Buy quality.  In the long run, you'll be glad, and it probably will be less expensive.

4.  Love is patient and love is kind.  If it's not patient and kind, it's not love.  

5.  How to vacation better.  [i.e. Just because a place uses the word "resort" it doesn't mean it is one, be very leery of a "brief" time share presentation and never let them take you off site with their transportation, and, say, for instance, your car breaks down, 3 weeks before your vacation to Florida, it doesn't mean you should buy a convertible.]

6.  I used to eat for energy now I enjoy food.  The more good food I have the more it ruins me for the mediocre.  [Faves like almond scones, cheesecake, curry, pasta, homemade salsa, and a good burger.]  I'm getting hungry.

7.  Read.  Find the library.  I could easily go without tv except for occasional movies [and currently, Downton Abbey].

8.  Kids are a ton of work.  They also make you realize your own problems.  I didn't think I had any anger 'til I had kids and then it came out.  So does selfishness and fear.  And exhaustion.

9.  If I could, I'd sit down with my 18 year old self and remind her of a few things.

• Youth and singleness is an opportunity.  Take it.  There isn't the same freedom once you are thinking about a spouse and children.  
• I know what it's like to live with regret as do most adults...listen to those who you know love you.  They, most likely, would love to spare you difficulty. 

10.  Why is it- what we want for someone we love [say our child or a younger sibling]- we wouldn't demand for ourselves?  Respect yourself, you are a treasure.

11.  Marriage is hard work.  Two imperfect people pledging their lives to each other for EVER.  It's crazy.  You're gonna need a lot of grace and God's help.  Feelings come and go.  You'll need an anchor.  Some days you can't stand each other and other days will be heaven on earth.  Choose each other...every day.

12.  Tell those you love that you love them.  Crazy much.  Every day.  No matter what.

13.  The valuable things in life aren't things.  It's people and relationships.

14.  Be a life long student.

15.  Travel.  It will broaden your world and perspective.

16.  Surround yourself with beauty.  I read once that beauty draws us to God and I believe it.

17.  When kids are hurting, the parents are most likely hurting too, and sometimes more.

18.  Kiss your kids and look them in the eyes.

19.  The master bedroom should be a peaceful place.  Keep it that way so it is a retreat at the end of the day.

20.  Discover what you love and go for it.  I never knew I loved art and many "creative" things until I was thirty.

21.  Be where you are.

22.  You never know where you might find a friend.

23.  Someone wise once gave me this advice..."With great risk comes great reward".   It's proven true.

24.  Simplicity=beauty.

25.  Buy good pillows for your bed.  I mean, really, why not?

26.  You can endure far more than you think you can.  What once seemed a scary, unknown will become old hat.  Proof: I haven't fainted in crisis, or at the sight of blood, in, like, 15 years.

27.  Find ways to unwind and rest.  I'm not very good at it but I'm learning.  Things that feed you.  A walk, music, [quiet] alone time, yoga & pilates.  I also like going to Target at 9pm when the store has nearly no customers and I can just stand and stare at the dish soap.

28.  People say..."I could never [do] _______________".  Yes, you could.  You can.  [Often] You have to.

29.  Becoming a parent has helped me to discover how God feels about me.  He loves me something fierce.  I'm His child, I really am, and He is proud of me.

30.  You can feel alone in a full room, in a family, in marriage, in parenting...everyone needs to know they are not alone.

31.  I like wearing high heels, even if they make me 6 feet tall.

32.  Home improvements usually hit "snags".

33.  When I'm happy and inspired, I like to clean.  When I'm angry, I like to clean.  When I'm stressed or overwhelmed, I like to clean.

34.  You are never "ready" for kids.  All 3 of ours were "planned" and each time it felt like jumping off a cliff into the unknown.

35.   You are living your story.  Live a good one.
 

Linking up with The Better Mom.

Randoms

My random occurrences and thoughts from the past week [ish]:

Jude got stung by a bee for the first time.  I pulled the stinger out with a tweezer.  By this time he was breaking out in a rash.  His shoulders and upper back had large clusters of red.  He was crying and my husband was giving him Benadryl.  Called the clinic.  First, the nurse wanted to know if he was breathing ok.  She said the reaction is fairly immediate so now that 15+ minutes had passed the worst was over and he should be fine.  He was showing a large local reaction but not a severe allergic reaction.  Good to know.  

On the potty training front and Addie.  I'm scared to take her diaper off.  She had a great first day with success [x3].  She is happy about the experiences and says she has to "go potty" nearly non-stop.  She is very motivated by getting gummy bears.  Day 2 she pooped on the bathroom floor about six inches from the potty chair.  Day 3 she pooped on the bathroom floor about six inches from the potty chair.  At the time, I didn't think it was that funny.  As I was down on my hands and knees cleaning this up, she says to me "Good job, Mom!"

I miss our old home.  The house, yes, but the people the most.  Maybe at first it was easier because of the initial effort it takes to move and the excitement of new things.  It is exciting.  It's good and it's right but it's still hard.  Today's message in church was about connecting in community and the support we should be for each other.  Yes, it's so true and our ten years in MN were a real example of this.  We experienced true friendships, and "family", in our church.  I don't know how long it will take for the new to become home.  I'm trying.  I like it here.  We have budding new friendships.  Yet, I'm grieving the loss of friends and life there. 

Our last "party" at the old [previous] house...as we celebrated Jude's 5th birthday.

I have found my new hair stylist [it has taken me a while to find a new someone who "gets" me].  She is one of those people who is happy on the inside and it comes out in a natural way.  She gave me a great cut which is the whole point!  The atmosphere....smelled divine.  She also told me she thought I was in my 20s, so if the previous reasons didn't win me over she had me with that one. 

~Kate 

Painting Therapy

I love to paint.  For me, it is therapy.  With all the things in life that are beyond my control, I can paint.  I know how to take a room and, in a matter of hours, transform it with paint.  At certain times in my life it has been especially therapeutic.  I have painted hundreds of gallons [my own homes, pro-bono work, friends' homes, for-hire jobs].  Processing life and all its complexities over that much paint has got to have moved me closer to emotional health.  [I hope.]

We traveled to Africa in December 2010 and met our [soon-to-be] daughter.  We then left her, came back to the states, and waited for our adoption case to pass court.  We didn't pass court in December.  Or January.  Meanwhile, we were receiving concerning reports about her health.  I felt like banging my head against the wall.  I remember my sister inviting me to come and paint her kitchen with her.  She knew. 

I couldn't do a single thing to move things along in the adoption process but I could have a fantastic day with my sister transforming her kitchen.  We worked on it all day.  I remember her scrubbing the top of her cabinets with her Norwex cleaning cloths.  I hogged the edging task.  And we painted.  When I drove the hours home that night, I was happy.  There was still life.  Waiting.  Difficulties.  Uncertainties.  
But my sister had a lovely new putty colored kitchen. 

What is your therapy?

~Kate