No Filter

I was reading today a "who am I" sort of bio that someone had written on a social media site.  I run across them often. 

The interesting part to me is how we pick and choose what we want people to know about us.  We filter the information.  We summarize ourselves in a paragraph.  Lots of things don't make the cut.  Omit that.  Leave out this.  Don't want people to know this.  Do want them to know this.  Definitely that.  That's such a great thing about me.  Filtering. 

Not that there's anything wrong with this. 

If we're going to write a bio it's just a snippet of our life.  A glimpse.  What is interesting to me is the glimpse we let people see. 

I suppose most people only see a glimpse of me.  And they come to their conclusions.  Maybe correct.  Maybe incorrect.  Someone told me recently that my husband has a certain quality and I thought, really?! 

Perceptions.  Realities. 

The presentation of ourselves.  Maybe inflated.  Maybe minimized.  Maybe creative license added. 

I'm a late joiner to Instagram and I like the "no filter" pictures.  No enhancement just pictures in their raw form.  I like taking pictures of beautiful things.  Days pass fast and taking photos is a good way for me to slow down and see the beauty around me in my everyday life.  It's everywhere and if we're looking for it, we'll see it.  It's good for my perspective.  It's good to look for the good.  But the un-photographed messes are there.  I guess I just don't want a folder of documented ugliness to look back on. 

Just like all the things people edit out of their bios and facts about me sections.  This is what I will show you.  Tell you.  This is the image I am presenting.

We celebrate the good things.  Crop out the bad.  But who do we share our un-edited version of our real life with? 

Are we sharing?  Who do we tell the unspoken things? 

This is where life become lovely.  Sharing life, all the pretty and not so pretty parts of us.  The real story. 

I'm so glad to be living the unedited version of my life.  My husband is there for the picture moments I delete.  He knows the things about me that will never make it into a public bio. 

And, here's the great part, he loves me anyways.  Not a perfect, fantasy woman but imperfect me.  Me.  With no filter.  In my very unflattering moments. 

This is where it's at.  Real life relationships.  

Turn me on [Lights]

How do you say Happy Love [Valentine's] Day to your wife?   

I suppose there are many ways.  

Here at our casa it was dust and traces of pink insulation as my husband decided it was the perfect day to put in recessed lighting in the living room and entry.  

No sarcasm in my tone, as a practical person, I appreciate these gifts.  I must say there is something attractive about a husband hard at work, fixing things. 

Somewhere in the mumbling talk of red wire, black wire, white wire and multiple 3-way switches, he lost me.  He also liked to continue to repeat the phrase "in theory".  

The dust has settled, the snags have been ironed out and the living room is now lit.  He put the living room lights on a dimmer switch for ambience, so, I'm thinking there's romance there.  

We're also still getting along which is never a guarantee with home improvement projects.  

It was a sweet Valentine's Day.  We gave hand crafted love notes to the kiddos and each other. Vanilla cupcakes and milk were shared around the table before bed.  Last night we went to a Valentine's dinner at church.  We got 2 out of 10 possible points on the Newlywed Game, coming in last place of all the couples.  The only two questions we got right were ones we had a 50/50 chance of getting because the answer was either "him" or "her".  My conclusion: we just need to date more. Much more.  

ISTJ marries ENFP

I've had marriage on my mind.
The Mr. and I have been talking about how to grow and better understand each other.  We are trying, but with our most recent snags, it appears we still need improvement.  I've heard conflict is a good thing...so, that helps me feel a little better.

If you were to listen to some of our conversations it might be confusing to you since we now talk in word pictures fairly often to each other....commonly using metaphors of yapping dogs, cars, sticks, porcelain, war, and picnics.  I think this helps us to "get" each other.  Either that or we are just getting crazier the longer we are together.  Recently, we looked at our personality types to learn how to love each other better.  The Myers-Briggs personality profile is a very common tool and here are the results for us.  

I am the ISTJ.  "The Duty Fulfiller"= Introverted.  Sensing.  Thinking.  Judging.  

He is the ENFP.  "The Inspirer"= Extroverted.  Intuitive.  Feeling.  Perceiving.  

Through the years quite a few people have made comments about us having more difficult personality types to synchronize.  Our personalities are opposites.  We were both attracted to a person who approaches life differently.  We are a great team when we harmonize.  We bring different strengths to life.  Living daily life together, with opposite personalities, can be a challenge.  If it wasn't so real it would be really funny.  This month it has been fourteen years spent learning to dance together [another metaphor].  

What does me being an "ISTJ" and him an "ENFP" mean? It looks something like this...

I am introverted.  He is extroverted. 

I like a plan.  He likes to keep it flexible and make the plan as we go.

I am detail oriented.  He doesn't place much importance on detailed tasks. 

I am task oriented.  He is people oriented. 

I seek security.  He is a risk taker.  

I am traditional.  He is naturally casual.

I fight perfectionism.  He thinks close enough is satisfactory.   

I often am uncomfortable expressing emotion to others.  He's more emotionally expressive.

I am practical.  He is a dreamer.  

I take things seriously.  He is lighthearted. 

I am organized and efficient.  He is imaginative and likes to try new things.  

I have a strongly felt internal sense of duty.  He is inspired. 

I have respect for facts.  He is an idea person.
I over-think things.  He often says "I haven't thought about it".

I have a hard time playing until the work is done.  He doesn't.  

I enjoy order and beauty in the home.  He is spontaneous and fun-loving.  
I love him.  He loves me.    

Our future is bright.
We need God's strength for living the better way with patience and kindness and His grace for our challenges.  Here's to a great summer together with a few more "days at the beach".

~Kate 

my Mr. and "mini-me"

Dating Banter

Last night it was just me and my husband sitting at a restaurant and talking.  It felt strange.  

We intend to "date" more often but we're not very successful at making it happen and spending time alone.  Equally weird was our conversation about how weird it feels to be in a restaurant without our kids or any friends.  Then the conversation led to...imagine if this is what we did more often.  

Then it went on to this scenario...what if this was our very first date?  We just met.  That's a fairly odd hypothesis.  You, 37 years old, single with no kids.  Me, 34 years old, single with no kids. 

What would we be talking about over dinner?  Our interests?  What would our interests be if it wasn't marriage, kids, or the house?  Who are we without these things?  What would a single Kate or Tim be like?  We just couldn't imagine.  We reminisced about [nearly] 14 years of marriage and all that has happened in our lives.  Our dating days seem like such a distant memory.  We've grown and changed. 

We couldn't seem to think of what to do after dinner.  And so, we reverted to our old ways and headed off to Home Depot.  We've become such an old [odd] couple.   The sweet redemption is that we still enjoy being together.  We haven't lost our flirtatious, teasing banter, and, a high point for me, Tim gave me a stellar compliment yesterday...he said he can't resist me when I'm wearing my apron.
[He might have even used the word "hot".]  It was a good day.

~Kate